I was visiting at an old friends place, among me some other friends of his were visiting. While he was arranging things around the house with his most recent fiancé, me and his other friends were preparing dinner. -lovingly we put together all the left overs and I made some fresh vegetable stew with some remaining millet.
Sitting on the dinner table, having this rich, abundant buffet, I d say a prayer and we d started eating. After a little small talk (all of us were just getting to know his new woman), I was, (realizing that my dish was lacking some salt), asking if anyone needs some salt. That’s when that woman just unquestioned started to state, looking at me: You made that dish right, it lacks seasoning.” I was about to reply saying something about my cooking process (admitting that it lacked salt) when she interrupted me continuing: that millet it tastes like water and that other stuff it lacks seasoning. There is people who know how to cook and others don’t”. I was flabbergasted, speechless for a moment until I said something to win some time to breathe and think clearly again: “You are quite inconsiderate sometimes” when she replied: No I am just telling the truth and you would do good to approve of that. I was almost trying to defend myself saying that a lot of people love my dishes, that she hardly knew me, that this was like the 2nd time we met, . . .. when she repeated: You would really do good to approve of this. And don’t play offended now.”
This was when I wholeheartedly . . .
. . . with tears in my eyes replied: I don’t play offended. I am really hurt by what you just said.”
Then I also said: “if you don’t like my dish that’s ok, but saying I can’t cook….”
that’s when she said: I didn’t say I didn’t like your dish.” Which I thought would’ve been way kinder…..
I therefore realized there wasn’t much point in remaining in the conversation, feeling the pain and the emotions her words and tone of voice had caused in me, coming up, I brought my cutlery together, saying: “I am done.” And I found myself leaving the dinner table in shock.
First-hand I felt as if my friend was leaving behind me looking after me – then realizing he didn’t made the pain and disappointment I felt even worse.
I went home , cried a river and wrapped myself up into deep deep unconditional love, the love God feels for me and I felt for myself. Realizing how important this encounter was for me.
As Earth angels we tend to always see the best in others.
With that woman, although I had only met her twice so far, I had been given red flags several times before.
Nevertheless there was something so open hearted about her in her words. . . .that made me ignore those flags.
Also my friends place is just the place in the world were I’d feel welcomed, loved and complete every time I go there – his other friends and me we had such an intimate loving, joyful time together, playing music and sharing our gifts, that my heart was swollen with love and wide wide open – I had let down all my guards since I felt so safe there. Preparing the dinner with love, joy and gratitude. . .. .
I realized the pain wasn’t “only” the remark she had made it was more how she put her sword of poison into my open swollen heart .
I am all for vulnerability and if it would happen to me again I would react in exactly the same way.
I would show my pain and express how hurt I feel.
As for her I was playing offended, I am telling you I was genuinely me, a young woman enjoying a night with friends being insulted out of the blue. In shock.
Yes I had to state and to share that I was hurt.
Who am I to hide my feelings?
And yes, I also expected any of the other visitors to act upon this situation, speaking up for me, for the sake of justice or simply following behind me to wrap me up in a reassuring embrace of compassion.
No one did.
Who am I to know how this conversation continued at the dinner table. . . .
I just know that what I have learned is to place a very very clear boundary here.
This is not a way, I accept people to talk to me!!!!!!
And as I remember how Doreen Virtue says in her book: assertiveness for earth angels:
Most people that show this kind of behaviour on<´t change.
So “make your decisions, claim your own worth, and move on with your life”, that’s what I heard inside of me.
As Earth angels we tend to see the best in people like I said and holding on to their potential isn’t a healthy decision to make, when what we see and experience is just the opposite.
This woman had made rude remarks before, this was the tip of the iceberg.
You are not here to be drained from some kind of emotional abuse.
You are here to shine, to be free and to let your inner light guide you.
My light guided me home that night, and I am forever grateful for this decision, grateful for all my sister light workers, grateful for any woman that had ever stood her ground before me and grateful for the woman who taught me how to stay my ground.
Whatever cracks you open makes you stronger as long as you allow yourself to forgive and then:
Move on and SHINE.